In
the full 80 degree sunshine of the bayside
home where we were staying I knew it was
time to lose the long pants and don the
bathing suit and shorts. We had not expected
the weather to be quite so warm for late
August in Massachusetts. Packing - planning
is always difficult for me no matter where
we go. I don’t like to be too hot
or too cold. So, as usual, I checked with
weather.com. Low 70’s - that was the
prediction. No need for really summery clothes,
I thought, but just in case I will put a
pair of shorts in the wardrobe mix.
On a ministry
trip of 7 days I try to pack both Randy’s
and my clothes into one suitcase. Perspiring
now as the day heated up I began the search
among his side and my side of the luggage.
The conversation in my head began. “What,
no shorts? I thought I packed a pair? Where
are they, oh no, how could I have not depended
more on the Holy Spirit than the weather.com
spirit.” With each level of meandering
through the once neatly organized stack
of clothing something began to grip at me.
What if I were going to end up with no shorts
to wear this week? Panic. That’s what
I felt, real panic.
Suddenly,
there rolled up, because it was not really
expected to immerge from the suitcase, was
the pair of shorts. But rolled up tighter
was the gut feeling of panic that had just
moments before ambushed me like a tsunami
wave. Being a “woman of the word”
a “woman of faith” and a “leader”
in ministry I was not expected to be subject
to a panic attack over of all things a pair
of shorts!!! When I could breathe calmly
again I changed in to the beach attire.
I also changed back into a rational human
being who began to inquire of the Lord regarding
the panic feelings I had just experienced.
Over the years
I have had opportunities to be involved
with ministering to wounded emotions in
people which at times really cripple them
from living a full victorious life in Jesus.
Now I was the walking wounded. Finding a
quite spot on the beach I began to pray
and ask Jesus to show me what was going
on. Why did I panic? It boiled down to this
simple revelation, “when I don’t
think I will have what I need I feel panic
rise up”. I had never identified
my often unsettled, insecure, anxious emotions
quite as clearly as I did that day.
Coupled with
that fear and panic was another fear. I
am supposed to be at rest in my Father’s
love at all times. I have that revelation.
I teach that revelation. So, the flip side
of the coin was the realization that often
I find myself hiding out behind a pseudo-secure
mask, too afraid to let others know that
I am, or can be, very anxious, nervous and
plain ol’ panic stricken!!!
In 2 Samuel
9:3-5 we read about a man named Mephibosheth.
Don’t worry I can’t pronounce
his name very well either. He was heir to
the throne of King Saul, being Jonathan’s
son and therefore grandson of Saul. When
Saul’s kingdom fell apart and he and
Jonathan had been killed in battle little
“M’s” nurse got so flustered
that she dropped the lad which resulted
in him becoming crippled in his feet. “It
was custom in those days for a new king
to wipe out any remaining family members
of the previous king who might pose a threat.”
As a young child and later a young man Mephibosheth
hid out on a ledge where he could watch
for any approaching enemy. He did not realize
that he was already a prisoner of his own
fears and insecurities. He continually listened
to a lie, “I am not safe.” This
lie covered the truth that he was a king
and heir to a throne.1
Sitting in
the sunshine I too realized that in many
ways I often forget that I am an heir to
a throne also. That my King Jesus died for
me to inherit His kingdom and all that he
has stored up for me. “The Lord is
my Shepherd (King) I shall not want (panic).”
Waiting upon the presence of the Lord I
looked to see from where these feelings
of fear and insecurity were coming. In a
little while a memory from my childhood
came to my mind. I was in third grade.
The scene
unfolded. I was in the front of the classroom
crying while the teacher scolded me for
talking to a friend in the seat next to
me. I felt the embarrassment, the shame,
the fear, the anger. Little Marie felt so
alone. Left on a ledge to fend for herself.
Then the teacher told me to leave the classroom,
go get a drink and calm down. I saw myself
returning from the water bubbler and walking
into the classroom licking my lips. This
action was interpreted as my sticking out
my tongue to the teacher and the scolding
started all over again. I felt defenseless,
powerless, and insecure. Along with that
came a belief that I needed to “stuff”
my feelings. It is not good to be emotional,
I reasoned.
I prayed quietly
and looked for the presence of Jesus to
increase. I asked the Lord to show me His
truth and His way of handling these fears
and lies which were affecting me as an adult.
The panic I felt over a supposed missing
pair of shorts was way out of proportion
for the situation.
What I then saw, as I kept looking at that
past snapshot of a memory, was so healing.
It was as if Jesus came into that classroom
bent over, picked me up and set me in the
hollow of his hand. Right in the nail hole
I was placed and cradled. Then He placed
his hand with me in it right over His heart.
I saw Jesus begin to “grow”
- the classroom became so small. The school
shrunk out of sight, the town and state
diminished in size the earth and the universe
suddenly also became smaller and invisible
until I was overwhelmingly impressed with
the Bigness of My God!!!!
From that
place in His hand, cupped over His heart
I felt the most healing feeling of security
that I have ever felt in my life. I suddenly
knew that those deceptions and wounded emotions
which had held me captive on the ledge of
fear could no longer have power over this
child of the King.
What joy, what freedom!
The
word of God says it this way:
Isaiah 40:11 He tends his
flock like a shepherd: He gathers them close
to his heart.
Psalm 125:2 Just as Jerusalem
is protected by mountains on every side;
the Lord protects his people by holding
them in his arms now and forever.
Psalm 27: 5 For in the
day of trouble he will keep me safe in his
dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter
of his tabernacle and set me high upon a
rock.
Hebrews 13:6 So we say
with confidence, the Lord is my helper,
I will not be afraid. What can man do to
me?”
1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your
anxiety on him because he cares for you.
It is
my prayer that as you have read this and
have in any way identified with me that
you would spend time inviting the wonderful
presence of the Lord to show you the source
of your panicky feelings which may point
to some real insecurity you would rather
live without! He is faithful He will show
you the way for He is the Way and the Truth
and He wants to set you free to enjoy the
Life He has ordained for you. It is good;
it is very, very good! Have a sunshiny day
in Him today!
|
